Why is your resume on plain drab white paper with no texture?
Why does your resume contain large words that your younger, less experienced hiring manager cannot even pronounce? It’s insulting.
Is that a cover letter geared for the specific job or just a general cletter for the asses I mean masses?
Why is your shirt wrinkled?
Where is your LinkedIn profile and why are you shirtless in your Facebook profile? I looked it up by your email in your corporate profile.
You didn’t know our ytd earnings? Our new acquisition into raw goods? You must not care? Perhaps?
You didn’t ask me any questions? Including if you should carry your own malpractice insurance? Really? You are that sure you are getting the position?
You didn’t even bring up a salary, I guess you will not care that I will give you 30k less than what I intended to give to my newest employee? Awesome, and lets peek at stock options while we are at it, your severance package as well, I know you won’t care about that?
DEAR HIPPIE
Why is your portfolio on copy paper? Even at 300dpi the details on your steam punked fonts are blurry.
Why did you call me “bro” or “dude”? My name is actually Karen, and I am not a male. Even if I was, I am not your bro or dude.
Where is your suit? Are those TOMS? Is that a freaking bow tie? Really? I like them too but for an interview? Are you Orville? I see no popcorn. You mislead me.
Going bareback hiking? I am wondering why your hair is in a bun? Do you just wake up roll it up and splash water and Clinique on and call it a day? Interesting.
Your links, they led to no live websites, are all your clients simply spec work? Which one actually has contracted with you? Unless you lied, which I suspect but I will not indicate it to you because I rather reject you with no correspondence back and a thank you for applying.
Canceling already? It’s an interview not a date. Yet I feel used and taken advantage of. You seem flaky. Are you?
Why did you just email me and not call me? I get hundreds of emails a day and a few calls. I wouldn’t mind taking a break from eyeing down portfolios and talking to a human.
Is that Trajan font? Seriously?
Hippies and suits. Learn from each other.